The Place We Lost You

When CJ left this world, I too moved to a new world. A world only other grieving parents can understand. This new world is full of pain, and longing, and sweet sweet memories. It is full of a measure of pain as sweet and wonderful as the love was before it.  And for me, it is also filled with unanswered questions.

I am still searching for answers, and in my quest, I returned to the place where CJ left us.

The first time I went there I was filled with raging pain, and anger and denial. The first time left me with more questions and more anguish.

But I needed to turn that pain to honour. I needed to find a way to connect and say good bye.

So I went back yesterday. And found what I was looking for.

The place was changed. There was a light and peacefulness I had not felt before. I brought flowers and mementos. I sprinkled the river where he was found with flowers. I left a trail of mementos for him along the side of the river.

And when the wind blew in the trees, I heard his voice. And in the ripples in the water, I saw his face. And in the cry of the birds i felt his spirit. And I felt his love surround me.

I still don't know how my son died. I will never know why my son died. But I know where he died, and he left his mark there, just as surely as he left his mark on all who met him.