The Misconceptions of Grief

The Misconceptions of Grief - The first one.

I belong to a number of Facebook groups and have scoured the internet for articles on grief.

The pages help those suffering to share the burden, but others who aren't suffering need to understand the grief journey to be able to help their loved ones.

There is a lot of misconceptions about grief. The biggest misconception is that all those who grieve follow the same path. That is simply not true. The grief journey is different for everyone. Everyone walks their own path.

I am sure you have all heard of the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

These stages were not originally about grief. They were used to describe the stages that a terminally ill patient would go through to come to terms with their death.

It was only later that they were used to describe the process that a person goes through for grief. Unfortunately, grief does not act like this. Nor does it act the same for each person.

I can tell you for me, I can go through these stages all in one day. Other days my grief takes other forms. Missing our loved ones is the greatest stage- not even listed here.

And I can also tell you, I will never ever get to acceptance.

If we believe that all those in grief are going to follow the same path, we are doomed to misunderstanding their suffering.

In order to help your loved ones or friends who are grieving, don't look for these stages. Don't look for them to get better or to be better. Give them your compassion and love and a sympathetic ear, it is the best you can offer.

The misconceptions of Grief - second one

I don't want to sound self serving with this post. Nor do I want to belittle anyone who has suffered a loss. I speak here only about losing a child.

Over the course of my life I have known others who have lost children. I tell you truly, I mourned for them, but did not understand.

Grieving parents are different. There is no moving on or getting over it. They learn to live with the grief.

Every day from the moment we wake up until the time we go to bed, we think about our child. Our heart will miss them forever. Our souls will mourn forever.

They are not of this world but we love them. They will always be our child - they now live in our hearts.

I belong to many groups of grieving parents on Facebook. We talk about this all the time. We recognize this in each other.

I don't post this to look for sympathy. I post this so that those who read this, may have a better understanding than I did before I joined this club. I post it so that those who read this, may share it with their friends and family and spread the word.

Our grief lasts forever. Because our love is forever.

The misconceptions of grief - the last one

I have found over these last months that our societal norms don’t help us to deal with some one who is grieving, especially a parent. Many people think that talking about our loved ones is wrong. That it will hurt us and bring pain.

That is the furthest thing from the truth.

Most Bereaved parents want to talk about their children. Speaking about them, talking about them, including them is cathartic. The pain is always there, always, but talking about them helps to release it, if only for a while.

These days, my greatest moments are spent with CJ’s friends. The younger generation have a much easier time in including CJ and his memory in the flow of the conversation. Sometimes we even talk in the present tense and that feels so right. We older generation need to take a page from their book.

Every day from now until forever, I will be CJ’s Mother.

And every day from now until forever, I will talk about him and remember.

I ask this of all of you who read this, who know bereaved parents. Talk with them and remember.

It is the best gift you can give them. 💜💜