Music Memories

Sharing new Experiences mingled with the old

CJ and I shared a love of music. Well, we shared some music. He did love old Rock and Roll, and I shared his love of boy bands. As he grew older, his taste changed to EDM, and I totally did not get that kind of music. But he kept his love of the oldies and the goodies.

After 9/11, I took him and some of his cousins to see the BackStreet Boys. It was just the day after.

Driving to the concert was surreal. The traffic on the road was quiet, but the real sight was the airport. Row after Row of planes, lined up, grounded for the time being.

At the concert, the music as always was great. The familiar songs, were connecting for all those who were there. At one point, a member of the band, Brian, asked for a moment of silence to honour one of their own who had been on one of the planes. Once again, the surreal atmosphere took over, when a stadium filled with teenagers, quieted to acknowledge the tragedy.

Now this year, I went to Las Vegas to see the Backstreet Boys. Both they and I, a little bit older, a little bit slower. Their music is still powerful, bringing together those like me who have loved their music from the beginning, as well as a whole new generation, who had discovered their love for the band.

I wore a white shirt, with the rest of the audience who were asked to wear white in honour of the tour. My shirt had a picture of CJ – bringing him with me to the concert in a very tangible way.

For me, the merging of the past and present was both uplifting and extremely painful. The juxtaposition of feelings that are always present for this grieving mother. How do I explain everything is both sadness and happiness always at the same time.

For me the songs took on new meaning. Especially the song they sing to their mothers. The title of the song – The Perfect Fan.

You showed me

When I was young just how to grow

You showed me

Everything that I should know

You showed me

Just how to walk without your hands

'Cause mom you always were

The perfect fan

CJ and I didn’t have long enough together, but in that time, I hope that he knew – I was his perfect fan.