Saying Good-Bye

In November I decided it was time to move. A month later I put an offer in on a house and three weeks later took possession of my new place.

I took my time moving, bring my “life” over slowly over the course of weeks. I took my time, creating a wonderful space in this new house for my puppies and I.

I purged. Books, and clothes and stuffed animals all given away to those who could benefit from my collections that had grown too large for just me. :)

Going through my belongings was a trip down memory lane. My stuffed animal collection was from my childhood, CJ’s childhood and our many trips. CJ’s boy doll given to him by my brother and wife, both who are with him in heaven. My monkey, held for ransom one tax season. That’s a story for another time. My puffin, a memory of all the amazing trips to Newfoundland with CJ and countless other friends.

If I touched a stuffy and no memory came, it went in the donation box.

The feelings invoked from my books and CJ’s books were incredible. I would touch a book from my childhood and I could feel how I felt when I read it. It was a weird juxtaposition of time in my mind. CJ’s books were the same. When CJ read, he became immersed in the story, deaf to everything around him. He always wanted me to share in the stories and read the books as well. We shared a love of the paranormal. All these books are treasures I am keeping.

I have about 1500 books I have acquired over my life. Many have been read multiple times. If I didn’t remember reading the book more than once, into the donation box it went.

When everything was moved, I put up the old house for sale and it sold quickly.

Yesterday I went there for one last time to make sure everything was done and ready for the new owners

Walking from room to room, I let the memories flow to see if I had any regrets. There were none. This house held so many more painful memories than happy ones. And the happy ones were muted by the pain that now lived there.

I said good bye easily and closed the door without looking back.

I have a new house now. I have some peace now. I am actually close to calling this “home”. Not the same meaning of the word as when CJ shared this world with me, but as close as I am going to get in this new life I am learning to live.