New Years Eve

Our Reminder about Grief

Grief is personal. Grief has no time limit. Grief cannot be denied. Grief is not always bad, it is a connection to those we have lost.

The first New Years after CJ passed away, I realized that this day was a tough day. Acknowledging the passage of time was hard, and this day just kicked you in the face with it. Turning the page into a new year, changing the calendar from one year to the next, marking another year moving away from our loved one.

Like other days, I have tried to learn to accept the pain of these days, but honour them in someway.

Some days, like his birthday, and the day of his passing, I want to share with others. This day, this night, I want to share only with him.

I have just begun to be able to look forward each day each month and plan. But when I stretch my mind to include the conscious knowledge of the passage of time, it still hurts. So a day like New Years Eve, closing out one year and moving to the next, makes it tough not to be conscious of that passage of time.

So, I created a CJ Day. I will go to get take-out from the amazing Brewery I found, where CJ resides in the heart of the owners. I will go to his tree and to see the lights in the park one last time. I will eat my leftover popcorn from the movie yesterday, while I watch the world celebrate on TV. And I will go through my pictures from these days when he was here, and remember.

And I will plan. I will plan how this new year I can include him. I will plan on how in this new year I can honour him. I will plan on how in this new year I will grieve him to remember.