Grief and Mourning

Grief and Mourning

Our Reminder about Grief

Grief is personal. Grief has no time limit. Grief cannot be denied. Grief is not always bad, it is a connection to those we have lost.

There is a wonderful organization in Cambridge called the Coping Center. There I found others like me who are sharing this journey with me.

Each year the Coping Center hosts a Christmas Event to honour our loved ones. We get to hang an ornament on the tree outside, in memory of our person. It helps to ease the pain.

This year, the speaker talked about the difference between grief and mourning and it really resonated with me. Grief is personal and internal. Mourning is external, the public expression of that loss.

I realized a few years ago, that my grief was a very personal thing. When I feel the pain of CJ's loss, I want to be alone, to feel it, to accept it. I have learned the hard way, it cannot be denied or pushed away. I also learned that when that wave of pain comes, and I need to feel the pain. I embrace it, accepting it is part of the love that I feel for CJ. Missing him every day.

The mourning, the external expression, is different. I looked up the definition. It is the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died. Synonyms are grief, grieving, sorrowing, lamenting.

At first, that definition may have fit for me. Those first years, my grief was eternal and all encompassing. As the years passed that changed, and I no longer mourn the same. That meaning, those words, they don't fit for me. I look at mourning, the external expression, differently. Its remembering. Its honouring. Its speaking their name.

My mourning is about the Tree that is planted in his honour at the University. Visiting there each week, decorating it each season. These things to me are part of the mourning process. The tree is place to go for myself and others, to feel his spirit and remember him.

My mourning is about the Lights in Waterloo Park in his memory. I love to just go there to see all the children take their picture with his Charizard. I love when others send me pictures because they visited there. A tangible place to go to remember. And mourn.

My mourning is about the casual mention of his name when a memory surfaces. I love when someone talks about him or sends me a memory that popped up for them. It feels good to connect with our mutual missing of him.

My mourning is about writing this blog, to reach out to others, to keep his memory alive.

I will always grieve. However, the external mourning is changed. So I have taken a literary licence for me and changed the meaning of mourning

It means to remember, to honour, to say his name- CJ. And welcome others to do the same.