Fate In All Its InFamous Glory

When I was young, I loved mythology. Mostly Greek. I knew all the gods, all the demi-gods. When I discovered books, I discovered Piers Anthony. He is an amazing writer, his genre both science fiction and fantasy. He wrote a series of books called the Incarnations of Immortality. The premise of the books was that the forces that governed us were offices to be held by special people. One of those Incarnations was the Three Fates. In Ancient Mythology they were more powerful than the gods. Even the gods had to answer to them.

In mythology the three fates wove our lives into the tapestry of life. Clotho spun the thread, Lachesis wove the thread into the tapestry, and Atropos cut the thread at end of life. The thread was governed by all of the tapestry around and how it fit into the picture of life.

During the course of CJ's life on earth, his 'thread" had a profound affect on the tapestry around him. By all accounts, he helped more people than I can count and moved many towards their destiny.

And yet Atropos, or God, or Fate, or the Universe, decided that his time here on earth was measured, much shorter than he should have been.

It is hard for me not to feel anger that someone so wonderful was taken. And it is even harder for me to understand why he was taken, and I remain.

The one extraordinary achievement that I had in my life was giving birth to such an amazing man. And yet he is gone and I remain. It is not natural. It should not be. Atropos got it wrong.

I am in touch with other parents who have lost children, both in the real world, and virtually. And one constant remains among them all - the pain doesn't go away, you just learn to go on.

In what world can I believe that all this suffering has meaning? What purpose can it have for all of us to suffer for the rest of our lives? It seems to be a major design flaw.

We who survive as parents are forever changed. To a greater or lesser degree, we are all just waiting to be with our children again. What affect are we having on the tapestry of life? What lesson can we teach others?

I don't know the answers to those questions yet. I may never know them. I am trying to let the Universe or God or Fate guide me, but for now, I don't know where I am going.

A few weeks ago, I went to see a psychic. She read my palms and told me that I was going to live to be a 100. A long healthy 100. I broke down crying. It is not what I want. It is too endless for me to even contemplate. She told me, it was not up to me, it is my fate.

Fate - Atropos. She has given me this time. And if I am to honour CJ, someday, I will have to discover what I am to do to give my life meaning.

Because I already had one extraordinary achievement. His name was CJ. What can I possibly do to top that.