Crossing Bridges

When I travel these days I try to blend the old with the new. I want to visit the places I went with CJ, but I also want to experience new things, knowing he is with me in a new way. 

Yesterday a friend suggested that we go to Castle Hill. It wasn’t until I got there that the memories opened up. As soon as we went there I realized I had been there before.

When we got back to our resort later that day, I started searching old pictures. I wanted to find memories of that past visit. it lead me to an amazing discovery. 

When we came here in 2016 I had just had to put my Penny, my sweet pup to sleep. Losing her was extremely traumatic. I didn’t know why then, but my extreme phobias receded for a time. 

So when we went to Newfoundland in 2016, I was able to do things I hadn’t before, like climb cliffs and cross bridges. It was an amazing experience but short lived. 

Now after losing CJ, those phobias have disappeared. The trauma I felt at the lose of my precious Penny, was one /one thousand of the change brought by the trauma of losing CJ. I can do so much now, without those debilitating phobias. I choose to see it as a gift from my son. He took my fears in a more permanent way.

This leads me back to the pictures and my discovery. 

We hiked the other day to the La Manche bridge. I walked on the edge of cliffs to get there. With no fear, I walked to the middle of that bridge and took pictures. 

Then yesterday I discovered, that was the very same bridge I had walked in 2016. I took the very same picture from the middle of the bridge. 

It was like my brain opened up and the past and the present overlapped. 

I was so proud of hiking to that bridge and crossing it. Knowing now, that CJ was there and witnessed my first crossing makes my heart sing. For that short time in 2016 he shared with me a freedom I hadn’t had before.

He was there then, and yes he was with me now- and always will be.