Journey's

Each August, for the past 8 years, I have struggled with anxiety and trepidation. Waiting for August 12th to come. The day we lost CJ. It felt like I was just waiting for the day, waiting for the call to come again. Of course it was irrational. I really didn't take that anxiety journey the first time. In 2018 I had no idea what was coming. That first year I was on a different journey. 

On this day, 8 years ago, CJ and I went to Newfoundland. To one of our favourite places on earth. 8 years ago on this day we were at the airport ready to fly out in the morning.

This year, it feels different. I am different. Am I stronger? I don’t know. I know that I can face these days with less anxiety. I think I can face the days in a different way.

Today I started a new journey. This week is going to be about memories. A backwards journey if you will. Remembering that trip and so many other memories.

So today I remember going to the airport 8 years ago. I remember my son teasing me because I was worried about missing the plane the next morning if we didn't sleep over.

And today, I will make a homemade pizza. We use to make pizza's all the time. It was one of our favourite things to do. We would get pizza dough and start from scratch. We got so many toppings and the pizzas would be piled high.

And when I made the pizza today - a sign. I made a great pizza but forgot the olives. I love olives but CJ hated them. Forgetting them on my pizza brought a smile to my face, remembering.

So today - I eat pizza in memory :)

My memory pizza - missing my olives :)

Our Sweet CJ - funny face

Staying here August 3 2018